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Wednesday, August 26, 2009 @ 12:49 AM
Time is gold
So while everyone is busy because of the Tourism and CTHM week, I was just taking things easy. I did not join any contest or anything, but I found myself sleeping for only about two hours because of the upcoming big projects for many subjects. Yes, BIG major projects. There are so many events that I cannot even ponder and daydream about the day I had. I have to sacrifice my "pampering me" time, and I have to act like a robot; when I go to this place or when I do this, one task will be checked! I myself cannot imagine how I manage things. But this is a fact: I do love being busy. I feel complete when my planner screams to do this and do that. I don't know-- maybe it is because of my status. Single people like me should be busy enough, right? And sometimes I feel that I like this better.. Saturday, August 8, 2009 @ 1:00 AM
What if you're really missing the best part of your life?
Sometimes I can't help thinking of the old days. I question the unexplained events in my life. I evaluate each phase if they are really awesome-- if they are on the highest level. I can say it's great. My relationship with God is getting deeper, I have a cool and lovable mom, superb and craazy friends, kick- ass college, my dream course (and hopefully job!), and a lot more. To sum it all up, I usually get what I want. But not all, of course. Yet, I can still say I am satisfied with what I have, and certainly living my life to the fullest. *Maybe I should find for it. Sometimes I want it, sometimes I need it. But there are times that I don't remember it, and I see disadvantages of it. How can I really know? Am I really missing the best part of my life? Sunday, May 17, 2009 @ 1:07 AM
Unfaltering Devotion.
Refresh. As people always say, every day is a new beginning. You can always start your life contemporary. But how can you do that? All the pains, the memories of yesterday? How can they all be erased from your heart? It was the week that I'll be going to the Youth Camp our church organized. All teens were encouraged to join this 4-day camp at Crystal Beach Resort, Zambales. At first, I was hesitant to go there--for the fact that I don't have any close friends. I am used to the environment where everyone knows me, and I have lots of friends-- and going to a new mint condition is all stressful for me! I will share to you how God refreshed my life. It was the first day of the camp. The trip took 5 hours, and it was boring. I am really used that trips are always fun, my friends and I always take a LOT of pictures, stopovers are the best, we eat a lot, and we never sleep-- we were the noisiest bunch (usually at the back of the bus, laughing our heads off). But this trip was unusual. I was alone, and I barely knew my seatmate. They were all nice, but at the back of my head: can I be the normal Bianx and have fun? And so I just daydreamed the whole trip and looked at the scenes outside the bus window. After long hours of waiting, we were finally there. The resort was very, very nice. I noticed that the water's colors turn into different shades every morning, afternoon and the evening. Sometimes it’s grayish, sometimes it's deep blue, and sometimes it's coral light blue. There were lots of nipa huts, rooms, and the session hall is also nice. The nipa huts were named after biblical characters, and the trees had proverbs and biblical verses hanging in its branches. That is because the owner of the resort is also a Christian. And because of that, I concluded that they easily approved that the resort would be exclusive for us campers. And it's a big point advantage; all of the people there have the same purposes-- to get closer to God, to know Him, and have an intact relationship with Him. At least there are no noisy teenagers distracting the sessions and no kids running with their salbabidas with their yayas. The cells (groups) are arranged in a perfect way: by age, and by gender. This is so, so perfect. Because in this way, you have common interests with your cell members. And you don't have this generation gaps or thoughts like "She's too young, maybe she wouldn't understand my makeup routine," or "I'm too shy to cry and get wasted, because my crush's looking at me," or whatever thoughts that can distract you. At first, we are still struggling-- I can feel shyness or homesickness in my cellmates. But as the introductions grew into conversations, and then turned into jokes, laughs, and fun, I said to myself that boy, I was wrong. I am actually having fun. It's normal to feel a little weird because you're not with your usual barkada, but it's actually nice to gain friends and hear more stories from new people. It makes you grow as a person, and you can learn many sides of the different worlds you never heard before. And lastly, it teaches you how to be open- minded and adaptable to any situation you are in. PEOPLE OLDER THAN YOU CAN TEACH YOU A VERY IMPORTANT LESSON We were 10, including our cell leader, Ate Queen. But on the second day, 2 more "ates" joined us. It's nice because we have 3 20-year old ates that really had a huge contribution to my deeper discovery with God. Ate Queen guided us and really boosted our confidence every battle cry and presentations. She shared a lot of experiences and learning that made me realize a lot of things. And I am overjoyed to know that she had just graduated in my same school, and her course (CFAD) is one of my favorites because of the model event they organize yearly. I think that if Ate Queen wasn't the one who handled me, I will not be able to be successful in this camp. I also shared a lot to Ate Jonnah, actually I shared to her the second thing why I came to this camp. All of my whines, and my thoughts were absorbed by her. But it was touching because she listened intently and she didn't even give a look of boredom and judgment when I talk to her. She answered my questions about God, and there's nothing more I can say. She's the best. And there's Ate Lovelie. Pronounce it as "ate luurvve--lee". She is a woman full of wisdom, especially about the importance of marriage and the like. She emphasized that true love waits, and even if you are lonely because you don't have a boyfriend, it's okay. God has a purpose for each and everyone one of us. NEW FRIENDS, NEW LEARNING These people that I only see every Sunday mass from afar became my friends eventually. Nini, or Nikki Diao, became one of my closest friends ever. We had lots in common, like: we are both Tourism college students, we are both very madaldal, and most of all, we are both very kikay. We shared a lot of stories, we chat about our crushes in the camp, and many more. I can say that I found a very great friend. Ems was also fantastic. She was my seatmate in the bus (and I thought we wouldn't be close), but she's a friend for keeps. I admire her for her very excellent acting skills, and she's a great listener. I am very proud that I know a person that can speak tongues. Yes, she can. I am so amazed. Honestly her gift in speaking of tongues moved me during the first night (the Salvation Night). She has deep faith to God, and I really admire her for that. Karen's the loud one in our cell. She motivates us, and her jokes made me laugh very hard. She studies in UP, and she tells stories about her Volleyball experiences. Jezel is the quiet one. But as the days pass by, she became talkative more and more. I am proud of her being a scholar (DLSU or Southville?). Babyruth (yes it's her real name, the chocolate) is also shy at first but eventually became open later on. I also think that she's babygirl. Haha. Anyway, Joyce is astonishing. She was accelerated two times I think, and in our age she's already a junior in college. She goes to San Beda. Olyn is the secretive type. She did share a few times, but she always listens to our experiences often. Kim is a gorgeous girl. She opened up very quickly; and she's not scared of what people think. That is one lesson I learned from her. You shouldn't think of others, always think of what God will think about the things that you will do. I also want to thank her, and Joyce, for they are the ones who encouraged me to be baptized. I AM SAVED, YOU ARE SAVED, WE ARE SAVED. The first night was the Salvation Night. It was the night where I came back to Christianity. I was moved by the people who spoke tongues, I was moved by the teachings of Pastor Jamil Tagay, I was moved by the music, The Holy Spirit moved me. It was the first time that I cried in that manner; I don't care anymore how wasted I look, or whatever. That "cry" was special; it was my mourning and my thirstiness for God, after all these years. My mind was filled with praises for God, and all I want to do is to worship Him. We finished past midnight, and while I was lying in the bed to sleep, I felt relieved and happy. I felt joy in my heart, that finally, I am doing the right thing. And I know that this is just the start of a new beginning with Christ, our Savior. It was the first sleep that I felt secure and safe, with the arms of our Lord Jesus Christ. HINDRANCES. HINDRANCES. Always remember: the bad devil is just out there. As always. He never lets you win. But when you seek God, YOU will win. God will win. God never fails. When I was a baby, I was baptized in Born Again Christian. My mom became a Christian when she got married to dad. I was also dedicated when I was a baby. But when we transferred here in Paranaque, I have to transfer schools as well. So I was baptized Catholic when I was in Grade 1 because the exclusive all- girls school here in Paranaque doesn't allow students who are not Catholics. And that's how I became a Catholic. For 10 years, I studied there. Knowing that my school is one of those strict in religion (nuns/sisters handles us), I was trapped in a religion that was dominant. I was an officer in class, so I lead in our rosary routines, I offer goods, I participate in Gospel Reading or Prayers of the Faithful during Mass. I became a commentator for our mass during recollection. I know all of the angels, saints, and Our Lady's. I was a voice student so I sing sometimes with the choir. In our village, I also join in Santacruzan, and any other rituals or parades. We pray novenas and have Bisita Iglesia or Station of the Cross. In short, tell all Catholic activities and definitely I've already done that. But every time we go to mass, there's this feeling of "I don't want to go" or "Mass again?". To tell you honestly, sometimes I only go to masses just because it's an obligation. Just because I get a plus in my Mass Card Attendance in school. Just because my friends will be there, and my crush too. Just because I am told to do so. Like it was a duty but I don't have the heart to fulfill them. My mother and I didn't abandon our faith. Although we admit that we got carried away with the dominant religion, but in my hearts of hearts, I know that I don't fit in with Catholics. I know that I am destined with another purpose. I have many questions in my heart. All the pains, the problems. The joys and the smiles. There's still a space in my heart and soul that is empty. All the years in my life I have been finding for that emptiness; and I only understood all when.... I finally came back. To Christ. No offense to other religions. I am not insulting your beliefs or religion or faith. I am just saying what I had experienced. And I am just witnessing God's wonderful and eternal love for us. It was the day that the teens that are ready will be baptized again. That's why it's called Born Again. When you are still a baby, you were baptized. But this second time around, you are in the right age, and you are AWARE that you are baptized. And this moment is special; because it is your spiritual birthday-- it is the day that you committed yourself to Christ. And that's where the hindrances came in. Doubts filled me; negative feelings started rushing through me. I was asking for a sign if I would go for it or not. Then suddenly, two of my cellmates, Kim and Joyce, greeted me. They asked if I will line up for the Baptism of Water. I shared my story. And they said, "Don't worry. God will never leave you. He has plans, and all you need is to trust Him. Never doubt, never worry, for you have a God who is almighty and powerful." God sent these 2 angels to remind me that God loves us so much that He will never let us down. Joy filled my heart that I am now baptized. As the water rushed through my face, I smiled, looked up at the sky, and murmured, "You are great. You are very, very great." After that, Kim said to me, "You did the right thing. You will never regret this in your whole life." COME HOLY SPIRIT Baptism of the Holy Spirit was the second night. I have been hearing the others who joined the camp for the second time that this night will be extraordinary. This night will be very emotional and intense. I don't know why. But still I became excited of what will happen tonight. Pastor Bong said in his preaching that there will be certain effects on us when we receive the Holy Spirit. He said, "There will be persons who will cry real hard, some of you will fall, some of you will speak tongues." When he said that, my heart started to pound real fast. I was very nervous at that time. I never imagined myself falling and losing control, or speaking in a totally different language. I mean, I don't know what I will feel if that will happen. Pastor Bong said that to be able to do that, you should first remove all your doubts and fears. In that step, I really concentrated and said to myself a few times that I am not nervous. I am not scared. And so I succeeded in the first step. The second was I should surrender all to God. As in ALL. My life, my wants, all of them. Money, fame, love, family, name it. And this is the step where I failed. Honestly, it was hard to let go of things that actually matters to you. I failed to surrender my mom. I failed to surrender her life. I also failed to let go of my career and dreams. Call me a selfish bastard, but I was not ready to give it all up. But I cried really hard. As in real hard. That was the first time I cried in that kind-- "hagulgol" as they call it. Everything was white. I feel like I am in heaven, and God's with me. I was in His arms, and I am crying to Him. He healed all my pains-- my broken family, my problems, etc. He said that he will not leave me. He promised that if I will always seek Him, He will not put me in misery. While I was talking to Him, weakness and loss of energy came to me. My knees felt weak and I was shocked that I knelt. I knelt and bowed to Him. And it was when I told myself that this is the effect of the Holy Spirit to me. Although I was not able to do what others had done, I am proud that I experienced the Holy Spirit. It was the first time that I actually knelt and bowed! And I am not ashamed of it. I am very, very proud that I bowed to the Kings of kings, Jesus Christ. I will pray for the things that hindered the gifts of the Holy Spirit to come to me. And I am starting to a life where God is all that matters. HAPPENED YEARS AGO, HAPPENS TODAY, WILL HAPPEN TOMORROW The Holy Bible is the source of our faith. It tells everything, of what happened years back. It was written by the people who have witnessed Christ, and the stories about mankind, and God's unchanging love for man. Many miracles were written there, and would you believe that these situations which took place years ago still happens in our generation? I told awhile ago that some gifted people can speak tongues. I am indeed very amazed. Imagine, it happened in the past, it was the birth of the Church (Pentecost). It was when the apostles spoke in different languages, even though they hadn't learned that languages and yet they were able to speak. Tongues of fire moved them, the Holy Spirit moved them. But amazingly, it still happens today. To ordinary persons. And most shocking, to youth. To us teenagers. Can you believe that a 16- year old teen who hasn't experienced all things in life was able to be an instrument for God's grace? This is really, really amazing. This is how God proves his power above all. He is so, so great. There are also other scenarios in the Bible which still happens today. I have a friend who can interpret dreams like Joseph the Dreamer. There are also people who can discern. Actually there are a lot that you can say. This proves that the gospel is really true. It is nothing but the truth, and you must believe it. Yes, you must. And I can bet that, after so many generations, it will still happen. It will happen tomorrow, in the future. ONLY GOD CAN HEAL THE PAIN On the third (and the last) day of the camp, it was our dear Pastor Raymond who preached. He emphasized to keep the fire burning, and never turn your backs to God. During the evening, we had a bonfire and all of the campers slept on the sand. The stars were beautiful that you feel like you're in a galaxy with these shining glitters at the sky. Our cell was having fun when I finally approached Pastor Raymond. I said that I want to talk to him. He immediately said yes, and we sat on a quiet bench away from the crowd. I shared to him the first thing why I came to this camp. It was because I want to find answers. I want to know the reasons why my daddy left us. I want to know why things happen. Did God really want that to happen? I remember when I still have a diary (when I was in grade school and high school). I wrote there all of my pains about how dad abandoned us. About how it affected me as a person. It made me very angry to boys, and I didn't let any guy court me. It was because I am thinking that guys are just the same. When I entered college, my perspective changed. I now have friends, who are boys, and I am now comfortable with them, but still, I am not letting any guy cross the line. I am always thinking that they will just leave me, just like what my dad did. All these years I have been crying because of that. People always see me as the strong one, and they know I don't care about that. But they were wrong. When I go to sleep, I cry because of that. When I see kids with their fathers, I feel envious. I even have a song for him-- Because of You by Kelly Clarkson. I am so hurt when I hear the song Daddy by Beyonce Knowles because my dad was no match for that song. He left my mom, he left me. Anger, pain, insecurity. All negative emotions filled me when the topic "fathers" comes in. That's just 5% of the pains about my dad. There are a lot-- and I can share it to you. My friends are crying when they hear my stories. But this is the night where everything changed. This is the night where I was healed. Pastor Raymound interviewed me a little, and after that, he did the inner healing to me. It was one of those experiences I will never forget. I felt that God healed me. He was wiping my tears, saying it will all be okay. It's just that I have to forgive my dad. It was hard forgiving my dad. It was hard forgetting all the things that he had done. But Pastor said that, in the Holy Bible, it was written there that you shall honor your father and your mother, No matter what. He said that when you don't forgive, the curse will be passed on to my next generation, and the next. And now I understood why my other relatives are also broken families. Pastor pointed out that if Christ can forgive a million times, why can't I? He said that I am forgiving my father for myself, so that the pain and the hard feeling in my heart will be taken away. He really said a lot, and I am indeed convinced. He prayed over me, and my mom. The grudge, the pain, it was all taken away. And I am now happy that I have forgiven my father. This is really a turning point in my life. When I get home, I can say that I have overflowing joy. And it is all because of Christ. It is all because of Him. KEEP THE FIRE BURNING Ignite the fire. Start it. Then fan the flame the gift of God. But keep the fire burning. And let others feel the intense heat, so they can have the passion too. The encounter with God doesn't stop there. It doesn't end with the 4- day camp. The challenge for us is to live by it. It is really hard to keep the promises and commitments to God, for the real outside world is filled with temptations and devilish activities, but don't forget that God is the most powerful of them all. You will never regret any detail of your life if you seek and praise God. He is the way, the truth, and the light. I have not shared all of my learning and experiences. There is too much that I can't write it down here. But all I can say is this: I don't regret myself coming to this camp. This will be an unforgettable moment in my life. I am now encouraging you to join the youth camp every summer. Remember: it's a MUST! Praise our Lord Jesus Christ! God bless you, Bianca. Thursday, May 7, 2009 @ 1:07 AM
Ready? Get set. Go!
Press START.
- All the posts that speaks about love was made long time ago. They are inspired by the lovebirds surrounding me. So it's clear okay? Never inspired by a boyfriend. Sunday, April 26, 2009 @ 3:03 AM
BOWLING = BAWLING
Yesterday (actually awhile ago but basically only because it's already 3 in the morning), I got up late as usual, 2pm, and then went to UST to arrange some payments in my dorm. After that my friend Jade and I went to MOA to eat dinner and have fun. We were supposed to watch 17 Again's Zac Efron, but it's already late so we decided to play at Timezone and play bowling. GEE, again? Do I see that right? BOWLING? As in we're going to play a "ball" sport? NOOOOO!!! @ 3:01 AM
LOVEloveLOVE.
Everybody's talking about it. Some are claiming that they've got it, they're in love. But some are in doubt, some are in denial. They say they're too beautiful or wise to fall in love and get hurt. But they're wrong. Even Miss Universe or Charles Darwin gets heartbroken. Don't be afraid to take consequences. Don't be afraid to be real, to do the things that you haven't done before. This is not stupid. This is not being crazy or dumb or desperate. This is not a weakness. This is showing what you really are, and this proves that you are a grown- up because you don't believe in perfect prince charmings or forever fairytales anymore. And in the end, whether you succeed or fail in fighting for you love, it doesn't matter anymore. Because whatever worst that happened left a wound in your heart-- a wound that will leave a scar after healing, and this will leave you an important lesson you'll not even learn from an encyclopedia or a geek. A lesson that will remind you that nothing's permanent in this life. And whatever happens, you have to move on. Take it as a "thrill" in your life. And, get up, again, doesn't matter if it's your gazzillionth time in falling in love and getting hurt, so what? YOU will be stronger than others, the others who just keeps on controlling their selves and never made a risk at all. Life is much more beautiful outside your comfort zone. After being hurt, keep on believing in love. When God feels you are ready, He will give you your Mr. Right. If not, then be ready for the Mr. Wrongs that He will send ;) But most of all, never stop believing in love. If you've succeeded, then happy for you! Go on and keep the fire. "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." @ 2:58 AM
S-I-N-G-L-E
During Valentine's Day, or any other romantic events, single persons normally find their selves in misery, whining with the fact they haven't got the perfect partners for them. Ladies usually gets frustrated and they keep on asking themselves and their friends of what's wrong with them; they think maybe their not too tall, too pretty, too smart, too sexy, or whatsoever. Guys who don't have "girls" think their uncool and it's cool if they have a collection of girls. But why do we keep on complaining of what's not in our lives? Why do we keep on asking for the things we don't have, disregarding the other blessings we have? I think this is one of the thoughts that we should put to trash-- that whatever status you are in, whether single, in a relationship, married, or it's complicated, etc-- you are not in misery and you are not alone. You just have to realize that you will not have all the things that you want at the same time and the key is to be contented. You yourself is just saying that you are alone, but the truth is people only create their emotional monsters in their lives. You just have to stay focused in the things you have right now, and cherish it. And it will be God's plan if He will give you the other matters of your life that's missing. -- IF you're single, and you're lonely, say this many times: "I just realized I still have many years to live. Many days to meet The One. I should stay focused on the things I have right now, and add more of them. I should not put to waste all the potentials I have, and achieve all the dreams I want. I will be better." |
THE SUPERGIRL.  Bianca. Loves rainy sweet moments.. Currently a College Tourism Student. A girl you would never forget. BLASTING INTO SPACE My Friendster? Click this. And for my Multiply, click this! At Facebook too, okay? I'm part of this-- add Kickers! Read Paula's blog too. Click Avy's blog! Dainty Girl. The Candy Doll. Stupify5. TIME MACHINE (Previous Entries)
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